Oh my goodness, are you watching this season of celebs Go Dating narrated by Rob Beckett?
The celebrity title a little erroneous depending on your definition. I am using the term “Celebs” loosely as Coleen Nolan and Professor Green are the only cast members I actually recognise and know who they are.
Joining them are Rugby player and ex husband of Chloe Madeley, Richard and Judy’s son in law, I know, James Haskell, Gabby Allen, who was in Love Island I understand, Lucinda Light a married at first sight Australia cast member and the hilarious if not instantly recognisable David Potts who I believe is back at the agency for a second go around. Yep, he’s done the show before.
He’s most recognisable for not wearing any trousers, his signature look, he reminds me totally of a cross between one of Dick Emery’s drag characters, Les Dawson in drag also comes to mind and Ampika from Housewives of Cheshire. Every time he speaks his timing and thick Lancashire accent just makes me think of her. Loud, proud and can’t look away, mouth wide open watchable. I guess why he was recast for the show.
At the beginning, we are now into the second week of the new series, I watched, honestly thinking after the first 30 minutes, when will this actually be over. As each ad break came, I thought OK that’s it. The format really drags at the beginning and even quirky agency coordinator Tom with his flamboyant styling and oratory prowess that always alludes to talking dirty with clever innuendo, he’s good at it, cannot carry the show.
I found myself wondering things like, does Anna really like her hair two tone like that, distinctly dark roots and blonde ends or pausing the action to see Paul Brunson’s Loewe trainers. Anything but actually watch the show which is so canned and manufactured it’s a little bit painful.
Why keep torturing myself you may ask. Why indeed? It’s one of those formats it’s so bad it’s addictive if you get my drift.
When the mixer happened and the celebs had to pick one non-celeb (they call them that on the show, “Celebs on this side, non-celebs on this side” to join them for a date on the island of Tenerife in a luxury villa, think Love Island meets Married at First Sight, things did start to get more revealing from a psychology point of view.
The actual dates are helped along by the experts suggesting topics of discussion for example Dr. Tara, sex expert suggested Coleen Nolan 61 talk dirty to her match Steve 51 on their first date. Advice you’d never give any woman in real life. It was obviously just to create spicy content for the format.
David on his date with Fireman Thomas was told to be less loud and more vulnerable. He was just as loud and not remotely vulnerable. Once again the conversation centered around Thomas’s hose.
James Haskell was encouraged to see his date Scarlett whilst baby sitting Professor Green who really doesn’t want to be there at all. He can’t even use the words dating, he’s calling his “dates” Meet ups, and managing to put off all his matches as they label him a complete time waster and not remotely interested in making an effort to connect. He has explained he is neuro divergent, couldn’t feel more uncomfortable and simply not ready to meet anyone since his break up with Made In Chelsea cast member Mille MacKintosh in 2016 and then a more recent split from former girlfriend Karina Adams, mum to his son announced April 2024. His latest match on Celebs Go Dating, Jane (not selected by him at the mixer, he wasn’t taken with anyone) asked him if she could get an invite to his next gig, making cheeky conversation, he killed the mood by saying “Not yet”.
The sex talk and just getting down and dirty continues with potty mouth Lucinda Light who cannot stop talking about hers and everyone else’s genitalia and stirrings in her and their nether regions. I cannot imagine any man being attracted to a woman who constantly talks about sitting on dildos and demanding arousal. Not unless he’s paying her directly. Call me old fashioned and I am not a prude.
Like I said the content is indeed to shock for sure, be humourous, sure, and down right mucky definitely but I am not sure how many genuine relationships will actually be formed.
This is as fake as it is funny with participants, I’d imagine taking part for exposure, media coverage or the fee. Because I don’t expect any real connections to be made. The celebrities are getting their egos stroked as cast members with a free holiday thrown in and the non celebrities, daters are the second class citizens providing content for TV executives likely for free, for a free trip to Tenerife and a little bit of air time.
Good TV when you get into it for all the wrong reasons. This isn’t aspirational, beauty glamour, success, more like makes you really happy it’s not you up there exposing yourself in more ways than one.