I put these musings in the Advertising category because things like Valentines Day, a medieval tradition perpetuated by societies around the globe are a kind of societal advertising to me. A construct with a sole purpose to drive trade, a commercial festival we are encouraged to participate in with greetings of Happy Valentines just like Happy Christmas, Happy Mothers Day, Happy Fathers Day, Happy Bastille Day, for the French, Happy Independence Day, or Happy Thanksgiving for the Americans. You see where I am going.
In 1959 Bertrand Russell said Love is wise, hatred is foolish and we have to learn to tolerate each other. We have to learn to put up with the fact some people say things we don’t like. Couples I know could learn from this sage advice. It’s true love is blind, especially in the beginning.
And then I thought about Valentine’s Day. One day when we are trained to expect someone not to say something we don’t like but to say something we do, even if they don’t mean it or they wouldn’t say it on the 13th February nor the 15th February. But on the 14th February it is expected because if it isn’t said on Valentines Day, by way of chocolates, flowers, cards, cuddly teddies, tchotchkes in all shapes and sizes we are less than, feel neglected, unloved.
I’d imagine more people are disappointed on Valentines day than not even if the 18 long stemmed red roses are delivered on time and at three times the price.
18 red roses that cost £50 in January can increase to £150 by 14th February. It’s just a market driven through the roof by marketing and demand.
There were always flowers in my home growing up, my mother was never grateful for them, my father I later learned bought them to relieve his guilt. So the romance of flowers interconnected to the LOVE concept I didn’t believe or buy into even back then. I loved the flowers, but they didn’t create or sustain the preconception.
As Bertrand Russell suggests I looked only at the facts and the flowers purchased never made my mother happy growing up so even though I hoped to and then expected to receive them on Valentines Day, from my partner I never put a great deal of stock in the day especially. I always saw through the hopefulness of receiving an unsigned greeting, like the plot line in Jane Austin’s Emma, the Valentine's card incident (actually a riddle in a charade) leading Emma to falsely believe Mr. Elton is in love with Harriet Smith. Misinterpreting the whole situation and ending up with complete humiliation for Harriet, was more often the norm, a series of calamities and manufactured wishes of the young and foolish when it comes to matters of the heart.
The pressure of Valentine’s Day for young people I understand, believing you are the only one not receiving a card when in fact virtually no one is receiving one is a brutal confidence crashing experience I think we should expose for the commercial brain washing it actually is.
Personally one day of fake acknowledgment for anyone with a sweetheart (I use the word with tongue in cheek) for it works well with Valentines Day as a construct, isn’t really good enough for anyone. I go back to Bertrand Russell advising us that LOVE is wise and smart people don’t wait for one day a year when prices for roses skyrocket to express it. It’s a doing, an action we practise every day.
Makes me think of adapting the first line of the poem by Juan Oliverez, “Don’t bring me flowers when I am dead, come see me today while I am sick in bed”
To “Don’t bring me flowers today on Valentines Day, buy what remains tomorrow or the weekend before I say, or even better save your money, surprise me with a note or gift,
on a day when no one tells you today is the day to declare love.
Chose a day when the roses are blooming, because every day should be “Valentines Day””
If you do a bit of research into the Roman origins of the fertility festival and the people named Valentine who were executed by Roman emperor Claudius II (in the third century) when goats were slaughtered and women whipped with their hides, yep I kid you not, (doesn’t sound very appealing or romantic, more a way for men to get laid if you ask me) you’ll get a completely different take on the day we’ve turned into teddies and chocolates in the name of love.