It’s not surprising women are called old battleaxes, with Hollywood portraying its fabulous glamourous leading ladies like this. This film should have been perfect for me. I am the demographic, middle aged, professional, independent, and not dating by choice. I am like the women in the film, confident well maintained, exercise, adventurous, with one major difference. I don’t buy into this gender role stereotype. In real life am too old for the kind of man I’d expect to date and not prepared to lower my standards to the kind of man who’d consider older because he can’t get what he wants, younger.

I don’t need a man to pay so like the characters in the film I find my humour and connection in lasting friendships of both sexes. Now this movie;

Omg I don’t know what to say and I am rarely lost for words. The Book Club 2018 is the most one dimensional stereotypical clap trap I think I have ever seen Hollywood produce, Paramount studios reach and teach a new low in the representation of women of a certain age. The only reason to watch is as a reminder ladies you NEVER want to slip into old age in the way these four characters are portrayed in this film, totally unrealistically I might add especially when it comes to their love interests in the movie.

I watched because of the huge cast, and this was OMG, the late great Diane Keaton, Jane Fonda, Candice Bergman, who plays Sharon a divorced Federal Judge who is the most credible and hilarious of the four friends and Mary Steenburgen as Carol, the only one still in a relationship with her husband Bruce played by Craig T Nelson.

There are a few funny moments throughout the film, one is Carol and Bruce having a fight on their lawn about their none existent sex life when we see E. L. James (author of the entire Fifty Shades book series) and her husband Niall Leonard make a cameo appearance as Carol and Bruce's neighbours.

The plot of the film is what happens to the four friends when Vivian (Jane Fonda) chooses Fifty Shades of Grey as the next book for the women’s once a month book club and how their lives change (read spice up) as a result.

It’s billed as a romance comedy which in true Hollywood style has the predictable happy ending for all. Except for me, a millionaire pilot sitting in coach played by Andy Garcia would NEITHER fancy or pick up the fabulous Diane Keaton, 10 years his senior.

In my real life experience the more realistic pairing was Sharon’s (Candice Bergman’s) ex Tom (Ed Begley Jr.) engaged to Cheryl (29) played by Mircea Monroe. Sharon and Tom have been apart for 18 years. Candice Bergman (79 now, 71 at the time of filming) portrays in the film, a crusty old bespectacled judge, having her first encounters of online dating, following her introduction to Christian Grey (reading Fifty Shades of Grey), dating and sexual encounters after almost two decades single. (In the movie think barren, uninspired, definitely not empowered, clean and self reliant and certainly not in any way desirable, accomplished, full of value female grrrr) This was my favourite most realistic part of the script, dating age appropriate, balding, Richard Dreyfus as Tax attorney, George and Wallace Shawn as a shorter than her Physician Dr. Derek. Two realistic appropriate but not Hollywood romance matches delivered by Bumble. The more realistic not Hollywood ending options in the gotta take what you can get reality. It was enough to put anyone off online dating. I tried it in my forties and certainly wouldn’t return in my sixties.

I won’t disclose all the action, there are some funny lines to be fair and I may even watch again just as a reminder I’ll never be as sad and cringe as the women created for this film. The premise for all, they have everything financially, success, status, independence but without LOVE and SEX they are sad and empty; who’s believing this TOSH.

Jane Fonda with over the top Sharon Osbourne style back combed hair, a 1980s attempt at youth, the hair dresser needed sacking, loads of wrinkly crusty flesh and cleavage on show. Doesn’t matter how good the figure is, I’m betting Don Johnson as Arthur an ex boyfriend of 40 years would be running in the opposite direction. Not because Vivian isn’t fantastic but because unless he needed her money she wouldn’t be his type. The towering high heels were bloody unrealistic too, unless it’s just in and out of the car at this age.

Diane Keaton’s styling was granny fied. I am all for covering up but the slacks and ponchos to Garcia’s chinos and loafers classic Ralph Lauren didn’t fit. The kissing was awkward as hell too. Even great actors couldn’t fake the passion here.

All I kept thinking was lucky old Diane Keaton, what a gig, first Keanu Reeves in Something Gotta Give, and now hot Andy Garcia in Book Club. You’d imagine if she was anything like Dede in real life she’d have snogged his face off and the camera would have caught it…… nah. It was look away ugh instead.

I found out they have made a sequel to this 2018 movie, a shocker. Tells me more of us are holding onto the illusion Disney has another prince coming for societies “over the hill” women like us.

I prefer to live in the real world. Wouldn’t it be great if someone wrote a movie about what life is like when you cross over to the other side, the “truth off” Hollywood “love story” A film about women recognising they are at their sexiest and “youngest” when this codswhollop doesn’t influence and place females over a certain age (about 35 if unmarried) in the sad and single category. A film about men just not knowing how to seduce and maybe showing them a thing or too about how to actually get laid by real women, putting them in the “you are crap and useless” without a partner camp. Maybe if we educate the men, a few more might step up, stop watching so much porn and using hookers if they can afford it, turn back into men and get the regular sex they desire. Maybe I’ll write it myself. Would you watch?